You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
