We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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