We named our party play list daddy issues
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
