that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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