Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize