i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
