community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize