That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
