My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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