so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
