I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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