my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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