I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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