bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
