considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
