you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
