I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
