The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
