I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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