dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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