She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
