I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize