You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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