Need sex. Gaining weight.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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