ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
