Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
