Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
