those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize