C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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