When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize