he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize