The maid of honor just puked.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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