I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
