R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
