I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
