There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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