I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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