Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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