I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
