My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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