So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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