I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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