And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
