how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
