you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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