I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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