Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
