Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
