Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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