at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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