Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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