Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
