Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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