There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
