so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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