he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
