"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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