NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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