Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
