I didn't shave. On purpose
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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