New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
