I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
