I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
