i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize