Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
